5 Things You Should Never Say To An Amish Person (Or Should You?)
So I couldn’t resist commenting on this one. You may have come across slideshow-style “listicle” posts on mass media sites like MSN or AOL.
I’ve been seeing a lot of them lately about the Amish (sometimes they link to this website as a source, so no complaints there).
Things like “10 surprising technologies the Amish use” or “The 15 largest Amish communities”.
Often enough, the info is okay — “good enough” let’s say.
But I’ve also noticed some of the topics and content can be a bit…questionable. Which brings me to one I just came across: “5 things to never say to an Amish community member“.
This popped up in my Google News feed as a “fresh” post today — even though it’s 3 months old (that’s a typical annoying strategy by MSN and AOL, recycling old posts as “new”, but we’ll leave that aside for now).
The main thing I had to know is – just what are these taboo things you should never say to an Amish person?
In my experience talking with Amish people, they’ve never struck me as particularly easy to offend (more on that below).
So I was curious just what I should really avoid saying to an Amish person. With that in mind, let’s have a look at these five things, according to the MSN piece.
Five Things You Shouldn’t Say To An Amish Person (According to MSN)
Here are the five things, and my takes on each.
1. “How Much Land Do You Own?” or “What Do You Do for Money?”
My take: Okay, right off the bat, we’re off to a shaky start here. I feel like these two topics make up half of the average small talk that you might have with an Amish person.
These boil down to “land” and “work” – two major topics for the farming, small home business-owning Amish.
The writer notes that “Direct questions about finances or personal assets are highly intrusive in many cultures, including the Amish.” Well, that may be true in general, but these questions are not that.
I’ve talked on these subjects many times with the Amish and there’s hardly anything offensive about asking an Amish farmer how many acres he has, or any Amish person how they make a living.
2. “Don’t You Wish You Had…?” or “Why Don’t You Use…?”
My take: Again, nothing all that offensive here either. The Amish are used to the non-Amish being curious about their ways.
Many even have a healthy sense of humor about it, and about the workarounds they adopt to use or restrict tech in what may seem strange ways. They’re well aware they look different to people in English society.
I think if you asked an average Amish person “don’t you wish you had a television”, for instance, you’d get a straight answer about it. Many would simply say they don’t want the junk on TV in their homes – but wouldn’t get offended about the fact you were curious about it.
3. “Can I Take Your Picture?”
My take: Okay so this is a bit more on the ball, but maybe not quite for the reason the writer thinks.
If you ask an Amish person directly if you can take their picture, you’ll get one of several answers. Some will say yes, but from a distance, or not in a “say cheese” kind of way.
Others will say they prefer you didn’t. And honestly, here in 2026 in a world of smartphones that some Amish themselves own, a growing minority will be okay with a regular posed photo.
Some would just prefer you didn’t put them on the spot by asking – as they might feel bad for refusing you. But a lot of people just ignore photo-taking, especially if you are thoughtful about it.
That doesn’t mean you should be sticking your camera in people’s faces and going about it in intrusive ways. But the Amish, especially in larger, progressive, tourist-aligned communities like Holmes County, Ohio or Lancaster County, understand very well that people are going to take photos, and have made peace with it.
4. “Are You Trying to Convert Me?” or “Why Don’t You Join Our Church?”
My take: This struck me as an odd pairing of two questions around the same topic, but that point in different directions.
First, “Are You Trying to Convert Me?” is questioning the Amish if they’re trying to get you to become Amish, and it’s worded kind of aggressively, if you ask me. I’m having trouble imagining a situation where a person might get this vibe from an interaction with the Amish.
The Amish are generally (with exceptions like some New Order Amish) not in the evangelization, convert-seeking mode of things.
Rather than trying to get followers from among the English, they focus on growing their churches using the oldest technique in the book: having lots of children.
They well understand that most people wouldn’t be able to join them…and that is only one reason they don’t go after converts.
The New Order Amish I mentioned above are maybe a bit of an exception, as they are more evangelically-minded, but generally not in the aggressive ways more common in some American branches of Christianity.
The second question, which goes in the opposite direction (“Why Don’t You Join Our Church?”), strikes me as a bit weird too. That said, there are groups who focus on trying to draw Amish, particularly dissatisfied church members, into their circles, with some success.
I don’t really see where it would come up in a conversation, from someone just visiting the Amish, which is what this MSN slideshow seems to be premised upon.
I should say, while the questions as presented are odd, the writer’s comments here are pretty sound:
Avoid direct proselytizing or questioning their faith. While the Amish hold strong religious beliefs, they are not typically evangelical. Respect their spiritual journey without imposing your own views or assuming they wish to convert others.
5. “Isn’t Your Life So Hard/Limited?” or “Don’t You Feel Deprived?”
My take: So on this last question pair, the writer writes that “Phrases that pity or judge their lifestyle are highly offensive and rooted in misunderstanding.”
That’s fair enough, but I think it’s a question of how you put these questions. If you do it in a tone that seems to look down on them or pity them, sure, that can be off-putting for anyone.
But as an honest question, I don’t think this is such an offensive area to go into. In fact, I asked Amish church member and cheese business owner John Esh just that in this video below. You can see John had fun with it, and I don’t think he was in the least bit offended by the idea:
This comes back again to the idea that the Amish are pretty self-aware. And that they tend to “get” how English people perceive them – probably better, on average, than vice-versa.
Just Be Smart About It
In conclusion, despite the premise of this MSN slideshow, I’d say these are all mostly fine to ask Amish people.
It’s also about your attitude, of course, in how you ask them – but that’s just basic “communication smarts” you ought to use when talking to anyone, Amish or non-Amish.
There’s nothing particularly special about the other person being Amish, in other words. If you ask something in a condescending tone, sure, you might annoy the other person, whatever church or culture they belong to.
So, direct questions are fine, as the Amish are pretty direct in a lot of their communication (though, there is certainly a good bit of indirect communication going on on different levels as well).
I also think there might be something else behind articles like this: a misconception of the Amish as “easy to offend”.
I think this ties into some people’s tendency to idealize the Amish — the perception of them as a devout and holy bunch.
That’s not to say they aren’t devout, but in my experience “the Amish” are a lot closer to down-home country rural people who you can speak pretty directly with (my comfort zone!) — and even sometimes on things that might be considered slightly vulgar (horse manure jokes, anyone?).
So my final take is: don’t worry too much about offending an Amish person with direct questions, as long as you’re following basic communication norms and not being a jerk about how you ask. Simple enough, methinks.
See also:
- Are the Amish rude?
- The 5 Friendliest Amish Communities
- The Road Between Worlds: Navigating Boundaries as an Amish Taxi Driver
For that matter...
Some of these questions are equally inappropriate to ask Englischers (non-Amish). Social/conversational skills are, in general, sadly lacking in today’s society. Many of the social media articles are simply leveraging or exploiting the unique nature of the Amish. If one is interested in building a relationship, simply start with the things we have in common–no matter who it is!
Exactly – “If one is interested in building a relationship, simply start with the things we have in common–no matter who it is!”
Ask the Amish
This is a good topic! Has the writer of the article ever conversed with an Amish person?
I’ve found the Amish to be pretty direct in conversation, and they’ve a good sense of humor. I feel they are not easily offended when questioned about their ways because it is not what they do, it is just who they are. They seem comfortable with that.
I’d really like to know what an Amish person would say about all this!
Thanks, Erik, for the article.
Good observations Denise, and glad you liked it. There are ways to offend an Amish person, but not with these sorts of questions really.
Inquiring minds!
I will be visiting my amish friends next week. I often bring them articles about the world and about the Amish…I am going to bookmark this and let them read it and answer for themselves.
In fact....
We just visited our long time Old Order Amish friends in Lancaster County a couple months ago. We have had many discussions about their lifestyle, and also our lifestyle, as they are just as curious about us as we are about them! We have been friends for so long that we all don’t give any question a second thought. It would be pretty difficult to offend them at this point in our relationship, and they cannot offend me, either.
And also...
I forgot to mention that on our last visit we were looking through several photo albums that our friend had. Most of the articles were newspaper stories, postcards where they traveled, etc. But there were a surprising number of actual photographs, posed and unposed, of our friends and their families and other friends! Kind of caught me off guard.
Well said Richard and interesting about the photos, I think that is becoming increasingly common. Which may have been inevitable at least in some places given how common smartphones and their cameras have become.
More offensive…
Any of us who’ve googled the Amish are fully aware of many more offensive questions than the ones listed. I’m thinking specially of the highly personal questions that people actually type and click on for answers (thankfully, they’re not asking it personally!) I can’t imagine asking an Amish woman “What kind of under garments do you wear?” Ahem. Inquiring minds apparently want to know too much! ♀️
True Kelley, ahem indeed – and I’ve heard that sometimes those sorts of questions even get asked personally. Luckily as Denise notes many Amish folks’ operating systems include a healthy sense of humor 🙂
Very Accurate Article
Hi Old Order Amish woman here:) I can confirm Erik’s response that these questions do happen occasionally. I would say the offense is not as great as the resulting amusement. What does interest me is what makes a person okay with asking questions like these of another culture. Is it because they struggle to attribute the human experience to another group? Thoughts, anyone?
People
People never cease to amaze me (and not always in the best way!) I live near and among many Amish neighbors. I interact with many Amish folks in business, on the road, as contractors, and just as neighbors. As with any cross-section of humanity, not everyone is the same, but I can tell you that I have enjoyed some of the biggest belly-laughs of my life with Amish folks, and have met so many really bright and personable young people among the Amish who are ready and willing to chat about school or sports or hobbies — lots of youngsters work at the produce stand or in the nurseries and enjoy a cheerful conversation with customers. I guess I just try not to say rude stuff to ANYONE, and that covers anything I might say to a non-English neighbor, too. If you think it would be rude to say to or ask of one of your Baptist or Presbyterian friends or neighbors, then don’t say it or ask it of your Amish neighbors either. I feel truly blessed to live among good people, no matter how they worship, dress, or transport themselves.
Amish On The Train
I’ve come in contact with several Amish people while taking the train home every year. I’ve asked questions, and I have never had a problem by asking, the last time I went home, it was several family members on vacation, and I didn’t ask, but the way the head of the family carried himself, I really think I met a Bishop, and he was dressed in his Amish attire and the gentleman was pretty darn good looking for his age, he looked like he was around my age, so maybe 70ish. And no one seemed to get upset that I asked questions out of curiosity, but I kinda had the hots for him..LOL I love the Amish, and your newsletter has taught me quite a lot, thank you Eric for informing me.
Questioning Amish?
Over the past decade, I have had the opportunity to get to know some Amish quite well (one family to the point I see their daughters as my own nieces). One thing I have learned is they are just as curious about our way of life as we are about theirs. Not so much as they want to convert, but just in how we handle our day to day issues and how we think of our differences.
I was raised with very similar values and practices as the Amish as My Grandmother was Pennsylvania Dutch. She did not leave the Amish, but as a German immigrant grew up in the same communities (late 1800/early 1900’s). I rather enjoy their freedom from technology and might even say a bit envious. Tho I know I could never acclimate to that lifestyle at my age!
They occasionally help me understand their lifestyle/beliefs and I help answer their questions about ours, but mostly we are just good friends.