What if you’re Amish – and Single?

In a culture that emphasizes marriage, how do single Amish people fit into the community?

For the Amish, marriage is the ideal for most people in the community. Most young Amish people expect to get married, or want to get married, and have a family.

Being married with a family in a sense reflects the values of the community. There is a degree of Biblical religious motivation for that as well.

So, most Amish young people are going to expect to get married. Now, do they all get married?

Being Amish & Unmarried

No. They don’t all get married. There are a number of Amish people that remain single throughout their lives in Amish communities.

For some, that can be a pretty difficult situation – especially as you can imagine in a culture like the Amish, where it’s very family-oriented. And they’re big families.

As a young person, you probably would expect that you would get married someday – not just hope for it. But, it doesn’t work out for everyone. Some are just not chosen.

Single Amish siblings often live together

You’ll have single Amish women and single men. And sometimes those single women will live together. It may be two siblings or several siblings living together. I’ve seen where sisters and brothers live together as well.

So they may live in a home on their own, or on the parents’ property, for instance, in a small home. Every Amish community of significant size is going to have a number of Amish singles in that community.

Or they haven’t married yet and maybe they’ve gotten up in age somewhat. And for whatever reason, they just never married.

Some of those might end up marrying someone in the future in that situation, sometimes to a widow or widower in the community.

Some just don’t “fit the mold”

But in some cases, some Amish individuals simply don’t “fit the mold” – and do not aspire to married life – even preferring the single life.

That’s not too common, but in any population with hundreds of thousands of people, some will fit that bill, too – even in a culture which emphasizes marriage.

Gay Amish People

It should also be mentioned that the Amish don’t accept homosexuality. So in some cases, Amish single people might in fact be gay or lesbian.

Accordingly, the Amish do not sanction gay marriage, and a homosexual individual would not be open about it. In some cases, those individuals would end up leaving the community – either never being baptized, or leaving after baptism.

“Old Maids” & Other Names

The Amish have specific names for single women in their communities. And some of them are not politically correct or politically sensitive, but one name you’ll hear would be “single sisters“. That’s pretty neutral.

But you’ll also hear Amish refer to unmarried, older females as “old maids” (Amish speech is often quite  direct). Another one, that one of my friends in Ohio mentioned, is a bit sweeter-sounding – “leftover blessings“.

Still a valued family member

You maybe feel like if you’re an Amish person, if you didn’t get to have a family – that can be difficult for some of the single people. That can be lonely in some cases.

But at the same time, within the Amish, it’s a very family-oriented culture. So even if you’re not married, and have a family of your own, you’ve certainly got a lot of nephews and nieces in most cases and, of course, the entire web of relationships you have throughout the community.

As far as being single, if you think of it that way, Amish society is probably not the loneliest place to be as a single person. There is always the chance of marrying someone later in life as well.

For more, see:

• Amish Marriage: Beliefs & Customs
• At what age do Amish get married?
• Do Amish people ever divorce?
• Can Amish people marry non-Amish?
• Do Amish people wear wedding rings?
• What if you’re Amish and gay?