Saloma Miller Furlong on Why I Left the Amish

Saloma Miller Furlong was raised Amish in Ohio.  Why I Left the Amish is the story of her childhood and adolescence, and eventual departure from Amish society.

Saloma Furlong MillerI enjoyed meeting Saloma for the first time this summer while in PA, and have always appreciated her comments here on the blog.  I just recently had a chance to read Why I Left the Amish and found her story to be filled with tough moments but quite a page-turner (maybe for that very reason).

Saloma’s story is not a rose-colored version of Amish life but a real look at one person’s experience growing up in difficult circumstances.  Saloma has kindly answered a few questions today about her Amish experience and book.

Why I Left the Amish book giveaway

Saloma has also offered a copy of Why I Left the Amish for a lucky winner.  To enter this book giveaway contest, just leave a comment or question in the comments section.

For an extra entry, share this interview on Facebook (just email amishamerica@gmail.com letting know you did).  We’ll draw and announce the winner next Thursday, Feb. 2.

Saloma Miller Furlong interview

Amish America: Can you share a bit about yourself and your Amish background, and also how this book came about?

Saloma Miller Furlong: I grew up in Geauga County, Ohio, in a family of seven children. My family was a dysfunctional one (mentally ill father, a mother who did not protect us, and an abusive older brother). I often felt that my life was unbearable, and yet I thought there was no help for my family because the people in the community were not inclined (nor were they equipped) to deal with our family problems.

saloma-furlong-why-i-left-the-amishThen I found out that there was indeed help for our family, but we had to reach into the outside world to get it. My mother refused to allow an intervention, which is when I escaped at twenty years old. My book concludes with the first time I left.

The first time I thought about writing a book about my life experiences was the second time I was leaving. The Amish had hired a van driver to bring the bishop and his wife, my uncle, who was also a minister, and his wife, my brother, sister, and a friend to go to Vermont to escort me back to the community. I did not think I had a choice, so I returned and stayed nearly three more years before I left a second and final time. So when I was leaving the second time, an “English” friend urged me to write my story and soon, so that I would remember the details. She was the first, but she was not the last to say, “You need to write your story.”

What I didn’t know when I left the second time is that I could not just turn my back and walk away from my past. There came a time when I had to reckon with the abuse from my past, which led me to therapy. During this healing process, journaling became important. When I finally felt I had come through the hardest part of my healing, I had the urge to write for others. I began that process 17 years before my book made it into print.

How typical or atypical was your experience growing up Amish?

Saloma: I have often been asked this question at my book talks, and I always say, I simply do not know. Wherever there is abuse, there is also a cloak of secrecy. I believe the first step in breaking the cycle of abuse is to break the silence that shrouds it. Because of the insular nature of the Amish community, that cloak is thicker and more impenetrable than ever, which makes it nearly impossible to find out how much abuse exists in their communities.

I believe there are well-adjusted Amish families, from what I saw while I was teaching school for two years. I just have no idea what percentage.

In your book you describe the abuse that you and your sisters experienced, the difficult relationships with your parents and older brother.  But what are your happiest memories from your time at home?

saloma miller amish
Saloma Miller, age 20. Just before leaving the first time

Saloma: I loved what I call “homemade fun.” I remember we used to take a blanket and fold it in half. A small person would lay down on it, and then two bigger people would hold two corners each, making a swinging hammock. We’d swing the child back and forth, and then “land” him or her on the couch.

I loved jumping rope. And I used to love to swing on the rope swing hanging from a tall branch of an oak tree next to the woodshed. My sisters and I played “house” for many hours in the woodshed or the corncrib. In the fall we used to rake together freshly fallen leaves into a big pile, and bury one another. Sometimes our pile was big enough to bury three or four children at once. We also used to try to catch the falling leaves, which were as elusive as butterflies.

Your detail the tribulations of dating in an important section of the book.  How does dating work in your community?

Saloma: Erik, you would have to ask me that. I’m always embarrassed to answer this question. My home community practiced “bed courtship.” It is believed that this practice derived from “bundling” in which a board was placed between the man and the woman during the time our ancestors were being persecuted back in Europe. This allowed young people to hide from the authorities in upstairs bedrooms, which were often cold.

Bundling allowed both people to stay warm under the bedcovers, while ‘visiting.’ Many generations ago, the board disappeared, leaving the bed courtship rituals. Even the Amish who still practice bed courtship (and most communities no longer do) are embarrassed to talk about this practice, because it is hard to explain to outsiders that they are not encouraging their young people to have sex, even though they allow them to go to bed together.

There’s much more about this in my book.

How many youth do you think join church the way you describe your own baptism–uncertain and reluctant? 

saloma miller left amish
Right after leaving. Also age 20

Saloma: I have no idea. Most people’s feelings were well-guarded, so I would not have been privy to how they felt about their baptism. These kinds of things were just not talked about. I sure could not share with anyone Amish how I felt about my own.

What are the good and bad sides of life as an Amish female?

Saloma: This is a very general question. I wouldn’t begin to try to answer this for anyone else. A positive for me was that I didn’t like doing farm work. Though I had to do some, if I had been a male, much more would have fallen on my shoulders. I enjoyed the women’s gatherings, such as quiltings or getting together for the day to take on some project. I think I’ve already mentioned the feeling of having no power, especially as a young girl. This was the down side for me — especially having so few directions that my life path could possibly take if I stayed Amish.

What ties do you still have to your home community?

Saloma: My ties to the community are dwindling. My parents are both deceased, and one family I used to visit when I went back to Ohio, moved to Kentucky. All my sisters have left the community. When my parents were still alive, we visited them regularly, and we attended both of their funerals.

Had you grown up in a healthier family situation, would you still be Amish today?

Saloma: I have often been asked this question at my talks and it’s one I cannot give a definitive answer to. For one thing, I’d have to have been endowed with a different nature — one that does not have fundamental questions boiling up from within. And that begs the “nature versus nurture” question — was it my circumstances that gave me that insatiable desire to ask questions, or was it inherent in me when I was born — who knows?

saloma furlong amish
Age 23 in Vermont, before leaving the Amish the second and final time

But this I do know. Even if I’d had a good Amish childhood, I imagine that I’d still have yearned for more education. And that alone may have been enough for me to face the loss of community that comes of leaving the Amish. Maybe. This is a question I simply cannot answer.

Why I Left the Amish ends when you arrive in Burlington, Vermont, having finally taken the step of leaving home.  Will you continue the story?

Saloma: Yes. I am co-writing the second book with my husband, David. He and I had met during my first stay in Vermont, which was only four months. We had been dating for about seven weeks when the Amish came to take me back. David had to watch this happen, knowing it was not my choice, and also knowing there was nothing he could do about it. He visited me in Ohio (the second time resulting in a thorough rejection) and he kept in touch with me via letters.

Finally, two years after I rejected him, I wrote to him, which started the four-month process of the two of us renewing our relationship. We married a year and a half after I left the second time. David’s voice is important in this story, because he has a perspective of many events that I don’t — I had no idea at the time that I had turned off all my feelings like a faucet at the kitchen sink turns off the flow of water when the Amish came to fetch me back to the community. He claims there was no light in my eyes and no feeling in my voice.

For an excerpt of our book (about our first date), you can visit my blog.

Where can readers buy your book, and find you online?

Saloma: The book can be bought at the following locations:

1. A signed copy directly from me online (Or come to one of my book talks: See my schedule of events.
2. Your local bookstore — most bookstores are happy to order the book if they don’t already carry it.
3. on Amazon
4. On Barnes and Noble

You can visit my blog and website. Also, I will be telling my story in a documentary called “The Amish” that will air on American Experience on February 28, 2012. After that, this documentary can be seen on their website. (They have chapter one of the film available now).

Photo credit: 1st Saloma Miller Furlong photo by Kerstin Martin

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    344 Comments

    1. Liz Breeden

      Sounds like a very interesting book. Would love to win it!

    2. The Amish puzzle - one more piece

      Whenever I read your blog about the Amish or an interview like this by Saloma Miller Furlong, I get a sense that we (the non Amish) are almost like people living on another planet looking from afar.

      We sincerely want to know more and why, however, we get only bits and pieces of a large 1,000 piece puzzle.

      We all ask what is it really like to be Amish? It is like we are putting together pieces of a puzzle with a beautiful Amish landscape, you know rolling hills in PA or OH, and yet some of the pieces are missing.

      This is because, the Amish hold all the pieces and they give us one piece at a time.

      I think this is what Saloma Miller Furlong is doing, giving us some more pieces, actually a handful.

      By the way Erik, if you created an Amish puzzle with a beautiful landscape I would be interested.

      1. Mark, your perspective is interesting, and one I haven’t heard. I would love to put together a panoramic view of Amish country, too! What a great idea.

        So glad I am offering you a handful of pieces to the Amish puzzle.

      2. I like both puzzle ideas 🙂 Thank you Mark. Saloma has been wonderful to take so much time responding to people here — thank you too, Saloma.

    3. Rose Goddard

      Why I Left The Amish (giveaway)

      Hi Saloma, it’s nice to meet you and your book sounds very interesting. I would like to be entered in this contest and hopefully be a winner. May God’s Blessing’s be upon you.

      1. … and also on you. Thank you, Rose.

    4. sandi

      Amish

      Why I left the Amish book, sounds great. I hurt when I hear something happens also too an Amish. We are all Gods children.. enjoy your life an be very happy. God Bless You. Would love ro win. 🙂

      1. Hi Sandi,

        Yes, we are all God’s children, which means we are all human… that includes the Amish.

    5. John Gingerich

      Why I left the Amish

      Being a Geauga County native, I would be interested in the book!

      1. John, thanks for your email. I’ll be responding to it soon. Nice to “meet” a Geauga native.

    6. Margaret

      Abuse in any group overshadows whatever good might have been there to start with.

      Saloma, I admire your strength to walk away and seek help. I hope you have grown a strong, loving relationship with God, even if your earthly father wasn’t what he should have been.

      I am anxious to read this book — whether I “win” one or not. Thank you for trusting us enough to share part of your story here. Praying for the Lord to continue to bless your life and heart.

      1. George V

        I

        Margaret said it all.

        My heart goes out to those who leave their Amish community for the “English” world due to unbearable circumstances.
        If I were in the same position it would be a wrenching experience especially after having been baptized.

        George

        1. Thanks, George, for your comments.

      2. Margaret, thank you for your thoughts and blessings. Many blessings to you as well.

    7. debbie mosley

      saloma miller furlong 0n why i left the amish

      this book sounds so interesting. i would love to read this book.

      1. Thanks, Debbie, and good luck!

    8. Betty Hamilton

      So nice to “meet” you. Your book sounds like something that I would very much like to read. Thank you so m,uch for sharing your story and for the opportunity to win a copy.

      1. You’re welcome, Betty, it’s my pleasure.

    9. Lisa Cregan

      Why I Left the Amish (giveaway)

      In my profession I currently have a young adult patient dealing with what I feel are similar issues you may have experienced. This person also is only giving me scatted small glimpses into his life at home which also includes abuse of many natures. It is sad to see his eyes cloud over and his ability to shut down his emotions.
      I would be very interested in reading your book which I feel would give me a broader knowledge base into the possible reality he is facing.

      1. Lisa, the best to you as you counsel this person. “Shutting down” my feelings was literally a coping mechanism when the conflicting emotions would become too overwhelming. Stoicism is also a very Amish trait. I hope my book lends the insight you are seeking. Feel free to email me if you have questions.

    10. Loretta

      Giveaway

      My favorite reading of all is biographies. Hoping to read this one. Delighted to enter this contest. Thanks, Erik.

      1. Loretta, I like biographies too. Good luck in the giveaway.

    11. Barbara Michels

      giveaway contest

      Would love to recieve a copy of this novel, sounds so interesting. Would like to see if it is the same reason for leaving as I left the Mennonites.

      1. Barbara, would love to know about your journey out of the Mennonites. Feel free to email me… salomafurlong[at]gmail[dot]com.

    12. SharonR

      Why I left the Amish

      Thank you, Saloma for sharing your upbringing; My heart goes out to you, and other Amish families, trapped in this same type of situation. Although I admire some of the Amish ways, I do realize there is some “dark sides” as well — as we also have, in our “Modern” (English) culture.

      You have come a long way, in your quest for happiness and finding a new life, and I bless you for that! Stay strong! Would love to win this book, but if not, will purchase it soon! God Bless!
      SharonR

      1. Sharon, thank you for your thoughts and blessings. Many blessings to you as well.

    13. Robin Stone

      It’s interesting to read a story showing the other side of Amish life, one that not idealized or perfect. I appreciate the author’s honesty.

      1. Robin, thank you for your comment. Good luck with the giveaway.

    14. Lenise

      Thank you for such a very interesting interview! I would love to win a copy of the book! Thank you for the opportunity!

      1. Thanks, Lenise, and good luck!

    15. Giveaway

      Would love to be included in the drawing.

    16. Jessica

      Just a couple questions came to mind as I read this interview. Bundling would suggest one of the more conservative Amish groups like Swartzentruber, so I am curious which Amish group she was with that allowed pictures and a dress style not typical of what is normally thought of?

      There seems to be quite a few books and shows coming out recently about people leaving the Amish. In those the people almost always leave totally from Amish life and jump fully into the English world. However, I know there are quite a few that join Mennonite or Beachy Amish or Charity groups who are less vocal about their leaving. I guess my question is if there are any Amish beliefs or practices this author still retains or has she completely severed herself from everything Amish? Also, what does she think of the vast number of Englishers who are wanting to do the opposite, leave behind the English life and join the Amish?

      1. Christine Slaughter

        Thank you for sharing and same questions as Jessica

        Bless you for sharing your experiences into a very secretive society. I know it was both hard and therapeutic for you to write your story and I hope you have completed, (or nearly completed) your healing process. I know those scars stay with us for years and some never go away.

        I’m truly interested in reading your story and how you perservered. You are a true heroine!

        My questions were the same as Jessica above — were there any customs that you carried over and that you still practice today, or did you just leave behind your life and say done is done? (I’m sure this is told in the book!)

        And what about all the Englishers that are looking to leave the hectic lifestyle for something simpler and are embracing the romanctism of the Amish way of life? Do you think that the romance industry has done a diservice to Amish Community?

        Again, God Bless you!

        Christine

        1. Christine, I actually embarked on a very intense healing journey before I could even begin to write for an audience. You’re right, we’re always healing to some degree. But the bulk of the work was done in therapy, so that I COULD write this book.

          I don’t think of myself as a heroine — I simply did what I needed to to survive, and eventually thrive in my life. If telling my story helps others in their life journey, then I am gratified. But never forget that I am human and have failings like anyone else.

          I answered the question about the “Amish” part of me, but I forgot to answer the one about Englishers wanting to join the Amish.

          I believe we all have our own spiritual path to follow. If people feel compelled to join the Amish in their journey, then they have my blessing. However, if their desire to join the Amish is because they have become to many the model of a good society, then I must warn them that they are in for deep disappointments when they realize that this “image” does not fit reality.

          Having said this, I am still puzzling through where this strong desire comes from when so many people dream of joining the Amish. The only thing I can imagine is that life in mainstream culture has become so much of a rat race. Erik has quoted the anonymous Amish man on this blog who addressed this issue and I will repeat it here.

          “If you admire our faith, strengthen yours. If you admire our sense of commitment, deepen yours. If you admire our community spirit, build your own. If you admire the simple life, cut back. If you admire deep character and enduring values, live them yourself.”

      2. Somehow my comment got put at the end, so here it is directly to you, Jessica.

        The Geauga County Amish are considered the backward, conservative cousins of the Holmes County and many other Amish communities. We were not Schwartzentrubers, and we certainly were not as strict as several other Amish communities, but bed courtship is still practiced, though there is pressure from other Amish groups to abolish it. There is also a group within Geauga County that meets separately from the others and they do not practice bed courtship.

        Yes, many Amish who leave will join the Mennonites. Some essentially use the Mennonite faith as a stepping stone to the outside world.

        I still retain many Amish ways. Many people tell me I do not dress “in style” which is probably true… I just don’t pay attention to the latest fashions. I mostly wear solid, bright colors and I wear what’s comfortable. I am told my home looks “Amish.” I am a decent cook and I was a professional baker for 10 years, which grew out of my Amish background. I still practice many of the homespun arts I learned from my mother. I believe my strong work ethic comes from my upbringing. I don’t buy the latest technologies to have them, but rather I think about what might simplify my life instead of complicate it. So, I’m essentially what the Amish claim you cannot be… partly Amish. They claim you are either Amish or not — there is nothing in between.

        1. OSIAH HORST

          Saloma, you are so right about remaining “partly Amish”. The first twenty years of your life are remembered. My older brother left the OO Mennonites, went to the modern Mennonites for close to ten years and then went out altogether. He claims not to believe, but he still remembers what he was taught from the Bible. He rarely speaks the German dialect anymore, but he has not forgotten it. The work ethic he learned even though he left home at sixteen, still works. There are good things that are not forgotten.

          1. Osiah, I went through several years of rejecting all things Amish and questioning who God is, and all the rest. I think this comes naturally when one leaves such a strict religious culture.

        2. OSIAH HORST

          Saloma, you are so right about remaining “partly Amish”. The first twenty years of your life are remembered most. My older brother left the OO Mennonites, went to the modern Mennonites for close to ten years and then went out altogether. He claims not to believe, but he still remembers what he was taught from the Bible. He rarely speaks the German dialect anymore, but he has not forgotten it. The work ethic he learned even though he left home at sixteen, still works. There are good things that are not forgotten.

    17. Lois Klobucher

      This book sounds amazing I would love to win

    18. Mary Beth

      This is just a good example of no group of people are perfect. You have good and bad in every walk of life. I am not Amish but I was abused also and it was secretive. I am sure this book could help alot of people.

      1. Mary Beth, Amen to the fact that no person or people are perfect. I’m sorry to hear that you were abused. And as I said, if my book can help anyone else, I am gratified.

    19. Mary Manna

      Saloma Miller Furlong on Why I Left the Amish

      Oh, Saloma, you stir my own soul with just what I have read here, and in ways I could never describe in a short moment – here – I so relate. I love the Amish; I also love some of my own roots, as well. I am not Amish; yet in some ways, my roots have a distant similarity to yours. As my love of the Amish continues, it is filled with the things of which – on the very positive side – makes them dear to my heart. On the negative side, I question, as you did, some of my own past and upbringing, replete with my very own mistakes and bad choices. As you did, I did … I left, I wrote, I published.

      There may always be questions that continue, for both you and I, and perhaps for many others.

      What I am left with, at least at present, is to believe that in the many out of our past, and the ways of carrying out our faith walks,there was a sincerity that they were doing it right. Their hearts believed in the path set before them, and they continued.

      For you and I, the path set before us was … to leave, to seek help for ourselves, and to go on with life … BLESSED!

      As I leave this post, Saloma, I pray for your continued joy, even as I live in the joy of my todays as well.

      Many Blessings, Saloma,

      Mary

      1. Mary, I am very touched by your comments. I would love to know more… what did you publish? Will you email me? salomafurlong[at]gmail[dot]com.

    20. Theresa

      I would love to win a copy of this book. Blessings.

    21. Lee Ann

      Wow! Sad story, but with a silver lining in the end. I would love to win this book and read more on Saloma and her life. I also hope to be able to purchase the second book when it comes out.

      Sure hope I win this time.

      1. Lee Ann, I wish I could offer you the second book, but it is still being written… we still need to find a publisher… and all the rest.

        Good luck with the giveaway.

    22. Connie Kiers

      Just wondering if you found a new church to call home? I would love to read this book.

      1. Connie, yes, David and I have found a church community. We were part of a Presbyterian Church before. This one is the United Church of Christ near us.

    23. Would love to read this!

      I would love the chance to win this book!!! 🙂

    24. Erin

      I am fascinated with the Amish but have mostly read Amish fiction. I would love the opportunity to read a biography.

      1. Good luck, Erin. This book will be very different than Amish novels. Good luck in the giveaway.

    25. Alecia Ernst

      Saloma's book

      God bless you Saloma for being such a strong woman through all of your trials and tribulations. I am so happy that you put this in a book as it might be the final cleansing of your childhood. I would love to win your book but if not I will most definitely buy it. God bless you and keep you.

      1. Blessings, Alecia, and thank you for your comments.

    26. Iza

      Erik!

      I would love to have one!

    27. Danna Dudding

      Why I Left the Amish (giveaway)

      I would love to win a copy of this book!!! I really enjoyed the interview. I love reading anything Amish!!!

      1. Thanks, Danna, and good luck.

    28. Randy

      Thank you

      I appreciate the sharing of your experience in the Amish Community. I look forward to reading your book. I grew-up and live in southwestern Stark County, Ohio so I am rather used to seeing Amish folks in their buggies and wagons and at the locate stores.

      1. Thank you, Randy, and good luck.

    29. Kathy Sam

      I Love Amish!!!!

      I have always been amazed by the Amish lifestyle & read every book I can get my hands on!!!! This book sounds great!!!! I’d love to win it!!!! Good luck with your book tour !!!!!!!

      1. Thanks, Kathy, and good luck.

    30. Richard from Amish Stories

      Writing with class........

      I’ve always been interested in the Amish lifestyle even as a young child with my trips from New York city to Pennsylvania, but I’ve also become fascinated with those who have left the Amish for one reason or another. Even though i have not read any of your books as yet i get the feeling when your telling your story that your not trashing the Amish like some of the ex-Amish have done say on face book or on other social web sites. So while i want someone to always write the truth i think its best to do it with some class and somehow raise above it all, so regardless if i win or not (i never win anything,lol) when i do buy a book from someone who was a former Amish i think my first book will be from you. Richard

      1. Thanks, Richard, and good luck. That makes two of us who never win anything (smile).

    31. Dianna Bupp

      Saloma book

      Oh, I would love to read this book – looks so interesting!!!!! Hope I win!!!!!!!!

      I love to read about the Amish!!!!!

      1. Thanks, Dianna, and good luck.

    32. Beth Kornegay

      Why I Left the Amish (giveaway)

      I would love the opportunity to have a copy of your book.

    33. Thank you for your candor

      I would enjoy reading this book… There *is* so much “privacy” that little is known about many of the more intimate (thought-life) aspects of Amish life.

      It sounds like you have written a touching and honest book, which doesn’t fall into the trap of becoming hateful towards the culture being “left”.

      Thank you!

      1. You’re welcome, Tiffany, and thank you for your thoughtful comments.

    34. Sandi Coughlin

      Giveaway

      I would love to win a copy of this book. It’s on my wish list.

    35. liz smith

      great interview!

      Would love to win a copy to read more!

    36. Good to see Saloma on here! Have not read her book, but would sure love to. Maybe one day…

      1. Linda, thanks and good luck.

    37. Marilyn

      Interested in modern Amish

      I lived in Portage county, very close to the Middlefield Amish community. With times changing in the world I often wondered about how these families were accepting many of the changes. Esp the younger generation.
      With so many working outside the community they are exposed to the “English” life style and are they able to stay true to the Amish life.
      I would love to read your book and admire you for your life then and now.

      1. Marilyn, thanks for your comments.

    38. Karen Gervais

      What a very interesting story. Would love to read the book and know more. This is on my wish list in case I don’t win. Thank you for the opportunity and God Bless.

      1. God Bless you too, Karen. And I hope you get to read the book.

        1. Karen Gervais

          Even if I don’t win, I will get the book. Wish I could get to one of your author appearances but right now, the ones I looked at are 2 to 3 hours drive and I don’t drive at night either. Hope you have more appearances after July and closer to the Albany, NY area.

          1. Karen, thanks for your reply. If you email me with some libraries in your area, I can try to get a venue at one or more of them. salomafurlong[at]gmail.com

    39. Jessica, the Geauga County Amish are considered the backward, conservative cousins of the Holmes County and many other Amish communities. We were not Schwartzentrubers, and we certainly were not as strict as several other Amish communities, but bed courtship is still practiced, though there is pressure from other Amish groups to abolish it. There is also a group within Geauga County that meets separately from the others and they do not practice bed courtship.

      Yes, many Amish who leave will join the Mennonites. Some essentially use the Mennonite faith as a stepping stone to the outside world.

      I still retain many Amish ways. Many people tell me I do not dress “in style” which is probably true… I just don’t pay attention to the latest fashions. I mostly wear solid, bright colors and I wear what’s comfortable. I am told my home looks “Amish.” I am a decent cook and I was a professional baker for 10 years, which grew out of my Amish background. I still practice many of the homespun arts I learned from my mother. I believe my strong work ethic comes from my upbringing. I don’t buy the latest technologies to have them, but rather I think about what might simplify my life instead of complicate it. So, I’m essentially what the Amish claim you cannot be… partly Amish. They claim you are either Amish or not — there is nothing in between.

      1. Saloma, were you a part of the Geauga #2’s?

        1. No, Erik, my family was part of the mainstream Amish in Geauga. Good question, though.

    40. What a wonderful giveaway. I would be so interested in reading this book. Please enter me in and thank you for hosting this for us!
      Michelle

      1. Thanks, Michelle and good luck.

    41. Adair

      What a very interesting interview with a lovely person. I have had several discussions with friends – none of us even remotely connected with the Amish – about this issue of abuse among the Amish, as several stories of this have been publicized . I can’t imagine that it is more frequent in the Amish community than elsewhere but it would certainly seem to be an even more desperate situation because of the cultural elements that keep others from “interfering” and that conspire to keep it secret and isolating. Would love to win this book and otherwise will get it from Amazon!

      1. Thanks, Adair, for your interest.

    42. Kathy K Stair

      comment to Saloma Miller Furlong

      I like your first name it isn’t one I seen before. Can I get ur book on Kindle. Though I would love to win one! thank you very much for telling your story. With any luck maybe another Amish girl gets to read your story and finds a way out if she/he wants it. Have a great life!

      1. Thank you, Kathy, for your comment about my name. I didn’t like my name as a young woman, because it was an old-fashioned Amish name, and it was going out of style. I do like it now — I was named after my maternal grandmother, and so it makes it extra special.

        Yes, my book is available on Kindle. Also on the Nook. Thanks for asking.

        Good luck with the giveaway.

    43. Kim in NY

      Comment on Saloma Miller Furlong on Why I Left the Amish (giveaway)

      Thank you for being willing to share your story, would love to read it!

      1. You’re welcome, Kim, and best of luck.

    44. OSIAH HORST

      Saloma Miller Furlong

      I am not sure I want to read this book, Saloma! I don’t know if I can bear it – it just hurts too much. Someone in an earlier post mentioned that they meant everything well, but that is not the case all the time. We know that an abusive older brother did not think of you in any way other than for his own selfish interests. We would like to think that the bishop and your uncle had the best intentions but even then bringing you back has to do with protecting the family and the church; it is still part of the cloak of secrecy. I pray that we are all realizing that this cloak of secrecy is the biggest hindrance in coming to grips with these problems.

      But, Saloma, I am hopeful that in many communities this is changing today. There are places run by Amish and Mennonites in both Canada and the US where abused Amish and Mennonites can go to be freed from the past. We realize that we can not continue to hide these evils. I love my old order brethern and heritage and certainly pray that the suffering ones among us can receive help without leaving us. I pray too that all the abusers among us can get help to overcome.

      Jessica, the practice of bed courtship may be retained longer in the more conservative groups, but it has been by condoned/accepted by most Amish and Old Order Mennonites in the past. I am ashamed to admit that it was a part of our practice when I was a dating. It did not mean premarital sex but it sure was an unnecessary temptation. I am happy to add though, that it was dying out – my younger brother and sisters did not follow this practice. The Pathway influence was being felt by that time as was the New Order Amish, both of which stress hands off, lips off laps off. I am so thankful for this change.

      Saloma, for all those people who look at Old Order people with a romanticized view, this book may well be a reality check. We all have to live life and some of us may have to leave our heritage to successfully leave the black parts of our past even while others are coming into our Old Order churches to leave their past. I am so pleased to see you say that you are speaking for yourself, and that can’t speak for others. So often, we generalize too much; we paint with a broad brush.

      And yes, i would like a copy of this book so I can better understand the next one.

      1. Osiah, thank you for your perspective. Yes, the truth hurts sometimes, but it doesn’t kill (at least I hope that isn’t the case with my book). Human beings are resilient, and so we find the strength to overcome.

        Interesting that the OO Mennonites also practiced bed courtship once upon a time. I suppose that makes sense… they have the same European roots as the Amish.

        I hope you get to read the book.

    45. Jane F Thompson

      leaving the abuse

      I can’t believe how far I had to read down to submit a comment! Your story obviously struck something in a lot of people.
      I’ve read most of the book, and identified with it in many ways, since I,too, came from a dysfunctional, abusive family. My “group” is just a different one: military families.
      It’s important to separate the Amish lifestyle from the abusive family setting, which is a difficult endeavor, as evidenced both by the questions as well as Saloma’s response. Any setting that encourages one person (usually a man) to dominate the others in their care will be vulnerable to abuse. That’s human nature. (Power corrupts, and absolute power absolutely corrupts.)(The heart of man is deceitfully wicked; who can know it?) Those who’d like to join the Amish to escape the evils of modern society will likely be disappointed; there is no perfect place or society possible, as long as human beings are involved. For me, grace with growth and gratitude have been the ticket to freedom.

      1. Jane, thank you for your comments. I’m sorry to hear that you endured abuse, but heartened to know your journey has led you to growth, gratitude, and freedom.

    46. Marcus Yoder

      I would like to read this book. If i don’t win it i may have to buy it.
      Marcus Yoder

      1. Marcus, I hope you get to read the book.

    47. Win your book

      Your Interview was really interesting and it sounds like your book wll be as well. I would cherish a chance to win your book. You tell the real story of the Amish and one I would really like to read about. This would help a lot of people understans the amish more. enter my name in the drawing.
      Thanks,
      Connie Elrod
      1292 McDonald Road
      Bellevue Tx
      76228

      1. Connie, thank you for your interest. Know that my story is not a story about “the Amish.” This is my story, set in my particular family and community. It is by no means a universal story of what it’s like to live the Amish life, any more than your story is a universal story of what it’s like to live the American life.

        I hope you get to read the book.

    48. Nancy

      giveaway...

      i would LOVE to win your book. It sounds very interesting and i love all things amish.

      1. Nancy, thanks and good luck.

    49. Lucie

      Sad to hear of things like this

      On the occasions I’ve read of stories similar to Mrs. Furlong’s, I’ve always been saddened, wondering how many more there may be, and remembered that romanticizing the Amish, as so many tend to do, perhaps even unconsciously, can be dangerous, although I’m sure there are as many happy and “functional” families. I hope over time Saloma has been able to become the person she feels she was meant to be and found peace. I would very much enjoy reading her full story. Thank you for sharing this with us, Eric.

      1. Thank you, Lucie, for your sentiments. Yes, I have become who I believe I was meant to become… and it has made all the difference.

      2. Lucie it’s my pleasure, Saloma has really done the hard work here 😉 I’ve been enjoying all the comments.

    50. Char

      I already have this book, and have read it – please do not enter me in the contest – let someone else win!

      This is a fascinating read, but heart-rending as well. I can’t even begin to imagine how hard it would be to live it and write about it. I hope that, following your therapy and the sharing of your story, you are finding closure, healing, and purpose. I know this book is an important work, and that it will help many others for years to come.

      I am fascinated by all things Amish. My interest began when a friend gave me 2 Beverly Lewis books she got from a yard sale. Of course, it was a trilogy, so I ran down to the library and got the 3rd one right away! Since then, I have devoured most of the “bonnet” fiction that is out there. Reading the fiction works stimulated an interest in the NON fiction works. I have read a lot of scholarly works on the Amish, as well as what would be considered “references”. [i.e. Dordrecht Confession of Faith, Martyr’s Mirror, etc.] However, I think I most enjoy works by those who were raised within the culture itself. [and no, I have not read Martyr’s Mirror cover-to-cover, only excerpts] I subscribe to the Diary and the Budget, and really enjoy getting to see glimpses of daily life among the Amish. I have great respect for the Plain ways, history, and culture.

      I must say, as an aside, that I have recently noticed a LOT of works [both fiction and non-fiction]that cite Erik Wesner as a resource on Amish culture. I think Erik is the up-and-coming Donald Kraybill of the scholarly community! Erik, I look forward to reading more of your works too!

      Saloma, thank you for letting us into the innermost recesses of your soul. May God continue to bless you and your family.

      1. Char that is extremely kind but WAY too much credit for me 🙂 But thank you anyway. I’ve been saying it for awhile but I should have something more to read in the not too distant future. Well done in seeking out a variety of reading by the way. On that note one thing I liked in Saloma’s book is that I didn’t see a lot of sugarcoating.