Lovina Eicher: Dating In My Amish Community “Not Like” How Lovina Zook Describes It

There are currently two quite well-known Lovinas of an Amish background. Lovina Zook grew up Swartzentruber Amish before leaving the community several years ago.

She has since become a social media star for her videos sharing Amish-style cooking recipes (and I’d say for her on-screen persona maybe just as much). We had a look at her online influencer career here several weeks ago.

But well before Lovina Zook came on the scene, Lovina Eicher, mother of eight and member of an Amish church in Michigan, carved out a similar niche. Only she did it in print – or in more recent years, its online equivalent.

Eicher was once the Amish Cook columnist, sharing recipes and happenings from her Amish community and family. Later she continued in a similar tradition under the banner of Lovina’s Amish Kitchen.

Which Lovina Is Which

Lovina Eicher has understandably been getting confused for Lovina Zook to some degree, as she notes in a new column:

I have many readers who know the Lovina that used to be Amish, and they watch her on social media. There has been a lot of confusion between the two of us.

I think part of that has to do with the fact that “Lovina” is a pretty uncommon name in non-Amish society (though it’s common enough in some Amish communities). So if you hear someone talking about the “Amish Lovina”, it’s easy to assume one or the other — probably based on who you became familiar with first.

Lovina Eicher hits this head-on in her latest column — while addressing something that I would bet she’s gotten more than one question about: the Amish and dating.

When Lovina Zook was asked about this topic by CBS in her original interview, she went on to describe dating as it is commonly practiced in her very traditional Iowa Swartzentruber Amish community — specifically, the practice of bed courtship, or “bundling.”

I noted in that post that Lovina Zook’s description of “Amish dating” did not apply everywhere, and shared some alternatives not involving bed courtship.

“Not Like I Grew Up”

Lovina Eicher picks up the topic and shares more on her own dating experience, both in her current Michigan community as it relates to her daughters, but mainly based on her experience with her husband Joe in a different Amish settlement.

First of all, Lovina Eicher makes it clear that her Amish growing-up experience was different:

If what they say about how she explains dating and her growing up, those practices are not like I grew up. There can be so much misconception about the Amish. That was not the way customs were in either of the communities that I have lived in.

Although in the community I grew up in there were more guidelines than we have now, it didn’t hurt me to live like that. Life was simpler back then.

She then goes on to describe how dating worked/works in the community where she grew up (as far as I know, that would be the Adams County, Indiana settlement, a Swiss Amish group).

It started in about as old-fashioned a way as you might imagine – snail mail – and a carriage ride:

Growing up in my home community, when a boy wanted to ask a girl out for a date, he would either ask her in person or write a letter asking her permission to drive her home from the youth singing on Sunday evening.

If the date went well, then another one was planned for the next Sunday.

That’s not uncommon at all, though the sending of a letter may be a bit on the more traditional side nowadays.

Sunday Singings – And How Long Do Amish Couples Date?

As in many Amish communities, the Sunday youth gathering is the focal point for young people to meet and to initiate those first dates:

We would have Sunday Singings, which was unmarried youth age 16 and older that would gather on Sunday evenings at a home to sing German hymns, and also songs in English after the German hymns. We would socialize and eat snacks and sometimes the host would serve a meal.

Volleyball and baseball would be played when the weather was warm. Dates usually consisted of riding together in a buggy, attending community events, weddings, and church, or occasionally grabbing a meal in town, depending on the church.

I found this next part of interest – how long couples date before they marry, if it comes to that. If you asked me my unscientific impression on this, I would say something like one to two years would be the “norm.” Lovina Eicher gives a broader range:

The length of dating isn’t always the same. Some will date a year to five years before marriage. Usually once a week, but if there are weddings or family events, etc., then it might be more than once.

Of course, those five-year-daters might be outliers. I suspect that is a much smaller group than the one-to-two-year duration couples.

Using The Phone

In Lovina Eicher’s description of Amish dating, letters might initiate things, but what about using the telephone to stay in touch?

My daughters could call their partners while dating since in this community, we have phones in an outside building on the property.

When Joe and I dated, we had to write letters to let each other know something during the week. I worked at a sewing factory for three years, and before that, I cleaned houses in town.

Joe would sometimes be able to call me there to let me know something if a letter wouldn’t arrive in time. We lived 8 miles from each other. I was 17, and he was 19 when we started dating. We were married at 22 and 24.

So there we also learn that Lovina and her husband were on the longer-term end of the 1-5 year dating range she gave.

She notes that in order to place calls back then, they would each have to go to a neighbor’s home to use the phone (presumably, a non-Amish neighbor). At that time, and maybe still at present to some degree, phones on the home property were not “a thing” like they are in Lovina’s current Michigan community.

Lovina notes that she would sometimes ask a neighbor to deliver a message to Joe for her. And for a letter, you’d have to wait a day for it to be delivered from one side of town to the other.

“So Many Amish Communities”

So, we can see several old-fashioned notes in that description. Sending letters, for one. But I guess even talking on the phone would be considered old-fashioned today, as compared to texting.

Lovina ends by sharing that they just celebrated their 33rd anniversary.

So that’s another example of how dating and courtship work, in a different Amish community. And on that note, Lovina does make an essential point in the piece, always worth keeping in mind:

There are so many Amish communities in so many different states, and everyone has different customs. So often the Amish get viewed as one group.

Read the whole column here (which includes Lovina’s Carrot Cake recipe).