What An Amish Wedding Looks Like Inside & Out (20 Photos)

Nora Kurtz is a member of an Old Order Amish church in Geauga County, Ohio, and Director of Operations at the Geauga Amish History Center. She previously shared some favorite dishes from her community. Today she returns with a closer look at what happens at Amish weddings.

Weddings across Amish communities share a similar structure but can vary in smaller details unique to each community. The following is a portrayal of a typical Geauga County wedding.

Engagement in the past was very much kept under wraps until an official announcement by the bride’s church about a month before the wedding was issued.

The secrecy part is not so common today, likely because of the size of the community; there is a need to make sure a wedding date doesn’t occur on the same day as another that may have a majority of the same guest list. The official announcement of the engagement still happens. This is referred to as being “published.”

Invitations are sent out, but RSVP is not a thing. Typically, anywhere from 600 to 1000 invitations are issued, and a fairly safe guest number is about a third to a half of the total number invited.

Invitations to the bride’s girlfriends and to the new couple’s young female cousins will include a request for serving the tables the day of the wedding.

Aunts and other older female relatives and friends will receive a request for assisting in the preparation of food. Included in the invitation will be a small fabric sample of the color the bride has chosen for her servers and cooks to wear, based on her personal preference. So it is common for a new dress to be made for assisting at a wedding. The bride herself will traditionally wear a shade of blue of her choice.

The reception is always held at the home of the bride. Cooler trailers are rented several days beforehand to hold food ingredients and tents are erected to hold all the cooking equipment. Cooks arrive early in the morning to begin food prep.

The actual wedding ceremony is held at a close neighbor’s place, since there’s typically not enough room on one property to host both ceremony and reception. The ceremony lasts a full three hours, just like a regular church service. The bride and groom each choose a couple as witnesses who accompany them throughout the day, making a total of 6 for the bridal party.

There are always more men than women who attend the full three-hour service since most of the women are preparing food all morning. Services commence around 8:30 in the morning. Several years ago, I attended my first non-Amish wedding and after the half-hour ceremony was completed, I thought, “wow, that was fast.”

Around 10:30, back at the bride’s home, the womenfolk will eat an early lunch, cafeteria-style, and then walk over to the services, where space has been reserved for them to witness the ceremony.

The couple will be asked to walk forward together to the officiant to speak their vows. There is no kissing of the bride; instead, the bishop joins the couple’s hands together, and a prayer of blessing is spoken.

The couple will take their seats again and a closing hymn is sung, while the womenfolk head back to the reception to place preliminary food such as salad and fruit on the lunch tables, and fill waterglasses.

The typical number of people served for lunch is between 200 to 300. The bridal party is seated at what is referred to as the “eck,” meaning “corner.” Two tables join each other at right angles in a corner of the dining area that the bride has decorated and where the wedding cake is displayed.

The bridal corner is what we would refer to as “a big deal,” with the typical bride obsessing months beforehand on getting everything just right.

Also seated here will be 2 or 3 young gentlemen who were chosen as assistants for the day. These will do odd jobs for the ladies who are cooking, whether it’s lifting heavy pots, fetching more ice for the drinking water, or getting rid of food scraps. They also make rounds of all the dining tables after each meal to collect tips for the waitresses.

Lunch is always chicken, mashed potatoes and gravy, dressing and usually creamed peas. There are variations on salads or coleslaws. Fresh fruit is popular and of course, various pies and puddings. A popular dessert is date pudding, made by layering a densely baked cake with a date sauce and topped with whipped cream. All the food is served family style.

After the meal, a number of men remain seated and sing traditional songs from the historical Ausbund hymnal that we use in our church services.

Afternoon is the time to socialize, for the teenagers to play volleyball and for the bride and groom to mingle with guests. The couple and the rest of the bridal party make their rounds with baskets filled with sweets and favors for the guests to choose.

Around 3:00 the new couple sits down and opens up all the wedding gifts that have been brought and piled high on reserved tables. Household items for the bride, and outdoor tools for the groom, are most common, and close family members and friends pool money to buy large items such as a washing machine.

As far as I know, my youngest brother is the only Amish guy in Geauga County who mucks out his barn with a hot pink wheelbarrow as a result of a bit of a gag gift from his co-workers for his wedding.

Two dinners are served in the evening, the first at 5:00 for married guests and families, and the second for the teenagers or young unmarried folks. It is normal and acceptable for guests to attend the evening meal who weren’t able to attend the ceremony or noon meal. Close relatives and friends are typically the ones who attend all day.

The menu for dinner has more variations than the traditional lunch. Meatballs and baked ‘cheesy’ potatoes are common. The bridal party, however, has their own menu for dinner, which is anything they fancy. This can range from rib eye steaks to baby back ribs, grilled by the male relatives of the bride and groom. One of my sisters and her new husband chose king crab legs, considered fairly unconventional, and suffered some light ribbing for their expensive taste.

The meal for the young folks is usually around 7:30 or 8:00. If a young person does not have a significant other, they will be paired with a date for the dinner. The bridal party will be served dessert, since they already ate their main course several hours earlier.

Since the girls who were filling the role of waitresses all day will be eating at this meal, male and female relatives who ate at the first dinner will be rounded up to serve the meal. After their dinner, the teenagers will sing hymns, both German and English, to finish the day.

Usually, the atmosphere becomes quite lively at this time, with older folks looking on and oohing and aahing at the pairing of single individuals, teasing directed toward the men doing “women’s work” (some good-naturedly even don an apron), and general hilarity caused by overtired people at the end of a long day.

The newly-married couple doesn’t do a honeymoon in the sense of leaving immediately (after all, they’re expected to help clean up the next day!) but some do take a short vacation some time afterward.

In my community, we only host weddings on Tuesdays and Thursdays. The question “why?” is one question I cannot answer, and I have not yet found the person who can give me a satisfactory reply to it. Some Amish communities have their weddings on Wednesdays and Fridays, and still others choose any day of the week.

Traditionally, weddings used to be held during the winter months so they would not interfere with the working months of the farmers, but that has changed here with the shift to industry. The Lancaster, Pennsylvania Amish community still does this, with their “wedding season” beginning in November.

Just like in any culture, a lot of effort is put into making sure the wedding day is as special as possible for the new couple, and is a time of celebration with family and friends.

A special thanks to Nora for this excellent look at how an Amish wedding works. For more posts from Nora, follow her at the Geauga Amish History Center Facebook page.

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